My Life In A Blog

Is it? Cause people tend to make it that way. Like, if you say something, they are always trying to one-up you with the same thing, but better. Kind of making you feel like an idiot cause they say “Yeah…me too.” I HATE people who always have to steal another person’s thunder.

There are also those people that when you’re in a conversation with someone else, and they’re with you, they’ll just interrupt you randomly just so they can say what they want to. Like, really? Has no one ever heard of patience? I just wish people would step back every once in a while and let someone else have the spotlight. I’m sure people would have so much more respect for you if you did. No one likes the person that interrupts and takes someone else’s statement from them with something they think is better. Just like, no. Don’t do it.

I don’t understand why certain people feel the need to control and be a part of EVERYTHING. Not everything has to include everyone all the time. These same people will also talk about things they know NOTHING about, but claim too. Ah. Pisses me off.

xo

Rachel

When you say something, do you think about how it’s going to affect someone else? About what your words might do to someone? I think everyone needs to. You see on the news about suicides of teenagers who have been tormented to an extent that they don’t see a point in living. Basically, they begin to agree with what people are saying about them.

I’ve seen people joke around and bash on their friends or just the people around them for fun. To be funny. But I don’t think the person saying the insults sees the faces of the ones it’s being said about. They don’t see how the person laughs and then thinks for a second. Because everytime someone says something about you, you think about it. Right? You think “Haha. That’s funny….wait, is that true?” And then you just think way too much into it where you start to become self concious about whatever it is they said about you.

I’ve been told many things about myself that people will say just to make a joke, but I’ve never just laughed and blown it off. It always goes to my head and then I’m just like wow. Is that how people see me? I used to care a lot more about what people said to me, and I’m almost to the point where it’s just like, I don’t give a shit. But it always gets to me just a little bit. Now it’s just to the point where it’s only “Wow. You’re an idiot.”

I’ve been bashed before, and it isn’t fun. At all. And I know that I’ve done it, because I was never aware of how my joking words could affect someone so much. I’ve also seen how someone else’s words affect others. So all I’m trying to say is, think about what you are saying and how they may affect someone else. Is what you have to say really important?

XO

Rachel

Do you ever feel that way? Like you just want someone to understand how you’re feeling? Like you’re crying out for help. It’s so frustrating sometimes when you feel a certain way…and people just don’t get it!

The reason you feel the way you do is because you have a personal reason that is causing these feelings. Right? Well then why do people TRY and understand what YOU are feeling and then just freak out when they think you’re overreacting, but really, they just don’t understand.

I wish I had people around me to understand why I act the way I do. Why sometimes I’m so happy, why I randomly break down crying, or why I get the butterfly feelings I do at certain times. There is only one person that I know that actually understands me, but she’s hundreds of thousands of miles away. But I am so glad that she does understand because no one else really does. If I had NO ONE, which I have had for a while, I don’t know what I would do with myself.

Basically, I just wish people would stop TRYING to understand, not just me, but everyone else they try to. It just makes matters worse when people say “I understand” when really, they have no clue. Say some comforting words or something, but don’t try and understand how someone feels.

xo,

Rachel

Well I am finally home after a very long 5 days in Cape Cod. I love that place with all of my heart, but I just wish the circumstances of my visit were different. The whole five days were filled with funeral details and fighting within my family. At times, I wanted to leave. Not even be around them, but when the time came, we were all there for each other. My sister and I were each other’s crutch at the funeral and decided that no matter what, we would never leave each other’s side.

I haven’t been home in 4 years meaning I hadn’t seen any of my family that lives up there in that long. I never really got to see why family is so important. This whole experience changed my opinion completely. You may want to disown everyone in your family at times, but when the time comes, they are always there to help you get through it. I hugged and held hands with multiple people who I hadn’t seen in over 4 years, but that didn’t make a difference. We were all brought together to mourn the death of and celebrate the life of my Grandfather.

I also realized how much I am going to cherish the time I get to spend with people. Regardless of how old or where someone is, you never know when they’ll be gone. Today I could hang out with someone, and once they leave me, they could be gone forever. No one ever knows when they are going to pass, so you have to live for TODAY, because in some instances, tomorrow may not be an option.

As sad and depressing as this whole event has been, it has definitely changed my outlook on so many key points in life. I hope that everyone can figure this out at some point in their life, and hopefully it is not too late once they do. I regret not being closer to my grandfather towards the end, but after spending so much time with my grandmother, I realize, she’s awesome! I can definitely see where I get my humor. I’ve made a promise to get closer to her, and I will not fail in that. I am cherishing every moment I speak to and see her, as I am with every person.

xo,

Rachel

I know that seems like a very morbid topic, but this is what I am dealing with today. My grandfather has been sick for a few months and passed away late this morning. He was my Dad’s stepdad, because his real dad died long before I was born, so he was the only grandfather on my dad’s side that I ever knew. I was closer to him more when I was younger, but regardless of how close I was, I am still upset over it. This is another life that is gone. No longer with us. I have only dealt with one other death, and that was my grandmother. That was a lot harder than I know this will ever be, just becaause I was very close with her.

My grandmother had cancer and fought until she couldn’t anymore. She exceeded every doctor’s estimation on how much longer she had to live. She lived three and half years longer than any doctor had said, and she lived them well. My grandfather, on the other hand, sort of gave up in the end. He’s been sick for a while, but at what point in your life do you get to the point where you are begging the nurses to make you a mixture of medicines to let you ‘sleep’? At what point in your life do you make the decision that you’re done and want to leave everything?

Death is the one thing that scares me the most. I’m scared of a lot of things, but death is the scariest becasue no one knows if there really is a life after this. I wasn’t raised in a household where God was forced down my throat, but honestly, I don’t think it would have mattered.

My grandfather was a very religious man and usually religious people are at peace with death because they will be with God. But my grandfather said earlier this week that even he is afraid of death. I think at some point, everyone is, but I definitely know that I am. I just don’t know if I believe that there is some higher power that is judging me, waiting for me after this life is over. I am living my life as if this is it. Because, at this point, I almost fully believe that it is.

Religion isn’t the reason that I am writing this blog. It’s because I just don’t understand how someone can decide that they don’t want to live anymore and just, give up. Especially when they know that if they just stay strong and keep fighting, they can be with the ones that love them most for a longer time. If I was ever in that position, I would be working my ass off to stay as long as I could, because nothing’s better than this life.

xo

-Rachel

RIP Grandpa Herb <3

P.S. I will be away for a few days due to having to fly to Cape Cod for the funeral. I will be back asap.

So, today was my first day of Junior year. As much as I was dreading it (as I always am) it actually turned out to be alright. As soon as I walked in to the doors I was bombarded my hugs and people asking me how my summer was…the norm. That is a thing that bugs me though. Like, a lot.

You know how there are always those people that during the school year, you’re friends, and at the end of the year you are both like “We SO have to hang out this summer! Call me!”? Well, you see none of them during the summer, and once the school year starts again, they either do not ackowledge your existence or they are so happy to see you. That’s what I don’t get. If you missed me SO much, why didn’t you make it a point to see me, or call me?

Now, I in no way am saying I call and hang out with every person I say I will, but I’m not that fake. I mean yeah, maybe I’ll say hi when I see them in the hallway or actually try to build an actual relationship with the person outside of school so that it’s a true friendship. Sometimes you just have to take the chance and be like hey “Wanna go to the movies this weekend?” instead of keeping an in-class relationship.

That’s my other goal for this year. I want to broden my friendships from outside of the classroom walls. I want to make friendships that I am going to remember and most of all, I just want to have fun. Like I said, I have two years left. I want to make the most of them.

xo

-Rachel

Junior year starts tomorrow, and again, I am dreading yet another school year. I am making a promise to myself to post on this blog every day. No matter how tired, mad, sad, busy, sick, or unmotivated I am. I want something to be able to look back on and see how pathetic I was on the days that I will write certain topics. I doubt anyone will read this, but I am writing for me.

 Honestly, there is nothing special about me. I am an ordinary sixteen year old girl suffering through high school. But this year I am trying to make it different. I have a lot more going on this year. I have school (obv), work, dance one night a week, drama club, legacy club, prom committee, community service for beta club, pilates class, and doing whatever I can to develop my acting and singing career. If I ever say I am bored, someone please slap me. I am trying to become someone in my high school. I want to be remembered, and not as the girl who got drunk every weekend and gave it up to whatever guy was in front of me first. I want to make a difference in some way, but that’s a life goal, not really a junior year type one.

This summer was a blur to me because I didn’t do anything memorable. I may want to get out of high school, but I don’t want it to all be a blur. I have two years left with these people, I may despise a lot of them, but I don’t want to blow by it all because I sat in the corner and did nothing. Don’t get me wrong. I am in no way changing who I am, because I’m definitely not shallow enough to change who I am as a person for anyone but me, I just want more people to see WHO I AM. Not just who everyone thinks I am.

So that is another promise I am making to myself. This is a year of promises and accomplishments. Everyone always says Junior year is the most important because colleges look at you, right? Well why not make more than colleges notice me. That, is my goal.

-Rachel